Barnhouse

Somewhere Over the Rainbow...

2011-10-24T11:37:00.002-04:00

It's been awhile since I gave an update on "the house." For weeks the outside has appeared "done" while the inner-workings have been coming together one at a time. Every time someone asks when the house will be done I just roll my eyes. Mostly because building a house is like waiting for adoption - you just don't know "when." Funny how this experience of "patience" is repeating itself. The answer to the question is always "a few weeks." It was 4 weeks on Labor Day. 4 weeks later it was 4 more weeks. So I'm not going to give a "date" because no one really knows. Suffice to say, holiday decorations SHOULD be going up in the new house.

A little more than a week ago we were hit with a bad storm...only it left the most beautiful rainbow that seemed to be spanning the horizon from the front yard to the back yard. This is just a reminder that God's promises are true. His word never fails. His love is unnending. He IS faithful!

Pummy-ummy-umpkin

2011-10-22T22:40:00.005-04:00

Happy Birthday, Nana! We had a great day celebrating mom's/nana's birthday at the Pumpkin Patch. Complete with bouncing air pillow that E couldn't get enough of, a legit corn maze that we - well, let's just say it was difficult - got lost in, a hayride to the pumpkin patch, the petting zoo and lots of wide open spaces to run...it's safe to say that E loves the pumpkin patch!

Johnny "Eli" Appleseed

2011-10-04T21:30:00.004-04:00

Last week Elijah learned about Johnny Appleseed, apples and apple trees. This week was a field trip to the orchard. He, of course, loved it. Running up and down the groves, picking up as many apples as he could hold in his hands, and chowing down on almost the same amount (or at least a bite of each one he grabbed).

2011-09-06T08:51:00.000-04:00

Going Green

2011-09-04T21:40:00.002-04:00

No, I am not on a "green" save-the-planet kick. (Although, with energy efficient appliances and 40 watt bulbs being the max you can put in a light fixture, I'm learning the government is forcing any new home to fit that bill.) But it certainly stands out being the only "green" house - literally - in the neighborhood of 250 homes in Russell Springs. The Cypress siding is being accented by Rustic Edge (textured taupe) shakes on the eaves. This will be complimented by cedar posts on the front porch with layered stone to tie it all together. The shutters will be a dark brown and the front door - I'm not sure yet. There's white trim on the green. I couldn't picture it but now that I see it, it's a nice finishing touch.

Drywall started going up and they were even hard at work Saturday. They're saying about 6 weeks.

2011-08-30T09:39:00.002-04:00

What a difference a month makes. The house progress includes:

- Roof. Check
- Electrical. Check
- Plumbing. Check
- Brick. Check

Insulation starts (and may finish today). Dry wall will be next (10-14 solid days, we're told), siding should also start this week (it will be the only green house in the neighborhood!) and the floors and finishing touches are after that.

In the world of a 3 year old, this construction site is a glorified playground. Dirt and rocks and sand abound. He's usually covered from head to toe. He's a boy. Let him be. Hose him off before he goes in the house then scrub him down! :)

His sleep patterns have been quite elusive, waking up at all hours of the morning - usually 1-4 am are his favorite times. Conversations include - after 2 hours of battling - "Mommy, I'm frustrated with you." REALLY?! You're frustrated with ME?!

Another time I had to open the blind and show him the moon and stars were still out and that it wasn't time to wake up. The next time he woke up he looked for himself outside then asked "Why is Mr. Golden Sun not up? Tell him to wake up!"

He has been "promoted" to the preschool for Sunday school and has become quite the little social butterfly (Don't know where he gets that from). He greets all the other children and isn't one to cry when dropped off, rather yells from the classroom, "Bye! See ya later when you come and get me!" Okay, E...have fun! :)

Potty Training Update

2011-07-28T13:25:00.001-04:00

E finally earned his new green car after going # 2 in the potty. There was cheering & celebrating where I may have yelled "Yay! You went poop in the potty & got the green car!" 5 minutes later Jackson (the dog) goes outside and E yells, "YAY! Jackson went poop and gets the green car!"

Take your pick...

2011-07-22T10:38:00.006-04:00

July 16 - the slab is done

July 20 - the framing has begun

July 22 - I haven't even gotten an updated picture of the plywood now enclosing the first floor framing!

It's going up quickly and the estimated timeframe is 3 months, so near the end of September a new house may be completed.

I admit that there are moments where a new house and a new floor plan are exciting...but I also admit (no, I'm not complaining) that this is all extremely overwhelming. Because we didn't "choose" this - we didn't seek out to build a new house - and now because things are moving so rapidly, decisions are having to be sped up as well. I didn't research. I didn't shop around. I didn't explore options. I don't have an idea of what I want. I have no clue at all.

Nor was I prepared for the gazillion decisions that must be made. I'm not kidding. Here's your choice of garage door - it comes in 3 colors with 18 different window options. Then decide if you want hinges or not, and if you choose hinges, what finish will they be?

There are 10 different interior door options but don't forget you have to also choose the hardware - and there are 180 choices of doorknobs. WHAT?! 180 doorknobs to choose from? Who knew what oil brushed bronze was before this week? Not this girl. But now it is the "to die for" decision that could make or break my hardware budget. Sheesh.

Don't even get me started on the kitchen appliances - an argument that has yet to be settled. Do they all need to be the same brand or should we go with each one that Consumer Reports rates as the best? I have my own opinion...

I know this is supposed to be fun - remember, I'm not complaining - but I really couldn't even tell you what the doors or door knobs looked like in the previous house. I think there were panels - I don't know if it was 4 or 6 - and the door knobs might have been silver but beyond that, I'm just not sure.

Oh, and I also found out this week that a kitchen faucet - sink not included - can cost $800. Um, that was an easy decision. No thank you.

Somewhere in the midst of all the decisions is a Sovereign God who reminds me that the hairs on my head are numbered. Praise God He's building my mansion in heaven for me because there's no way I could choose between gold plated or pearl! :)

Beach Bum

2011-07-16T22:26:00.005-04:00

Ahhh...the Jersey Shore. No, not the show. Thankfully there were no Snooki sightings this year. It's the beach house owned by my sister's in laws who are gracious enough to let us have a girls week every year at Seaside Park. It's quiet, quaint, sandy and sunny and the sound of the ocean that is blissful enough to quite possibly take away most any worry. At least for a 3 year old.

He couldn't get enough of the sand. He loved the "carnival" aka Boardwalk - except for the scary truck ride that whipped him around too quickly. "Mommy, that scary ride scared me?" Yes baby, mommy's sorry. He was burying his face in Jimmy's shoulder (Jimmy is my sister's 3.5 year old nephew who spends the week as E's playmate and the only "official" boys allowed)!

Potty training hit an all-time high - starting on the 7 hour drive up - where he refused to go in his diaper and we had to pull over each time h needed to go. I wouldn't ordinarily complain... We also started with the aversion to toilets, still, but that has since dissipated and I'm proud to report he's nearly "got it"!

It was a great week of sun and sand and E's excursions included crabbing - so fun! A small fish he found in the ocean - and promptly dissected - ewww! Collecting shells and building sand castles and SMASHING them in total boy style. Ahhh what fun! Thanks Cathey for letting us come for the week!

Potty Training 101

2011-07-05T12:59:00.004-04:00

If I know one thing about my son it's the fact that no matter what it is he's going to do it when it's HIS idea. (I have NO IDEA where he gets this from - remember he IS adopted! wink wink)

He didn't walk until he was 17.5 months old. We had been to specialists and orthopedics trying to figure out what was wrong with his feet. He could do it - he just wouldn't. Why? Because it wasn't his idea yet. Once he took off - he was OFF! Not walking. Running.

He was barely talking at 18 months old when the pediatrician expressed concern that he needed to show extreme progress by his 2 year appointment. I bought ABC's, videos, books, flash cards - you name it - and worked on speak 'n say games. And sure enough - right around 2 years old, he decided to not speak words but full blown sentences. Of course.

Without fail, he stayed true to himself in the process to move to a big boy bed. I tried at his 2nd birthday with a miserable attempt to force him into bed. Several more tries during the following months proved just as unsuccessful. Until at 2.5 he proudly announced one night, "I sleep in big boy bed." Uh...okay. And with that, he was in the big boy bed. He has never once gotten up on his own.

I know that potty training is not that he CAN'T do it, but purely that he WON'T. (My mother is reading this and laughing because she knows what goes around comes around.) Without doubt, it's a battle of wills. So I'm biding my time and trying to remain consistent...

Last week was the first week we saw progress - thanks to his wonderful babysitter - who kept him in big boy pants most of the week. She lives in a private wooded area where they play outside all day long. The other two boys are fully potty trained. I've learned that when you're outside playing and you're a boy you don't go inside for a potty break. You just pick the closest tree. Oh. Okay. Is that how that works?

Somehow my son - now determined NOT to go in the potty - will go outside. Folks, the front yard of Addie way has two small trees. Dare we call them twigs having only been planted a few years ago. So naturally it was already pushing the limits to let him run around in nothing but his Lightning McQueen big boy pants. I mean, hey, it was Independence Day and he was definitely boasting some independence. But I'm sure some of the neighbors would still choke at the thought of the inappropriateness of my parenting. The good (and bad) news is he didn't have an accident all day (until 7:30 p.m. but we don't need to discuss that mess). So apparently potty training is working...as long as there's grass around!

It wasn't that big of a deal until I looked over and saw my nude little boy with Lightning McQueen around his ankles while he sprung a leak in the front yard. Only then to hear the 8 year old girl across the street yell "He's peeing in the yard!" You've got 3 brothers, sweetie. You'll be okay.

We haven't gotten there yet and I know we won't as long as it's only my idea. As soon as HE decides (and once we can actually us the potty instead of the closest natural element) we'll be potty trained!

The Building Begins

2011-06-30T21:26:00.004-04:00

The demo crew had everything cleared out by the end of Tuesday, 6/28. There was nothing but a bare lot. Flattened earth, red dirt. (And a big tractor that E wanted to know what his name was. More on that later.) It was an odd site. I can say the emotions from the demolition day have subsided. It still seems weird even going through this experience.

By the end of Wednesday, 6/29 and the 2 month anniversary of the fire, stakes had been pounded to mark the perimeter of the new house and lines had been painted to outline the floor plan. Thursday, 6/30, 3 foot ditches had been dug along those paint lines and concrete poured for the footers (I've learned this is where the support walls/beams will go). Things seem to be moving quickly. At least for now.

In other news, E went to see his first movie in the theatre. CARS 2! He was SOOOOOO excited about going to the movie. His buddies from the sitter's were pumped and ready too. They sat perched in their booster seats, devouring popcorn & slushies, ready for the anticipated feature. I'd like to tell you that he sat straight through the 2 hours of previews, mini-film and hte movie itself...but I'd be lying and that just wouldn't be my E, now would it?! 20 minutes in (mind you, he'd been sitting for 45 minutes at this point) he wanted to go outside. Um...not now, son. I'm not here to give a movie review, but once we got to the racing scenes, he was much more enthralled. It was a fun experience. Although, the new reality has hit that he needs to know if every car and truck has eyes and a mouth and what their names are. Uh oh.

Extreme Home Makeover - Demolition Day

2011-06-27T16:17:00.007-04:00

I wasn't prepared for it. I had no idea the wave of emotions that would sweep over me. It was a flood - and I do mean a flood of tears and emotions all at once. For nearly two months, I've compartmentalized. "One day at a time." That has been my mantra. Pushing through each little hurdle, obstacle, whatever was necessary for the present moment. So I guess because of that I never allowed myself the time to grieve. Someone said it best today, reminding me I need to process as if it were the loss of a loved one.

But it's just a house...

Still, seeing the first pictures (I wasn't on the scene yet) of the crane demolishing the structure that used to be "home"...it brought the onslaught of emotions that burst forth into waterworks.

Last night I walked around the house thinking "Is there anything else I can grab? Anything left at all to salvage?" Today I watched as a monstrous robotic crane made effortlessly swift movements to pluck single items like the toaster oven from the kitchen counter. Items were falling from the cabinets and drawers, objects that used to be "prized possessions" now being swept up by the claws and pummeled into a pile of rubble. Then WHACK! That same effortless crane just as swiftly became a demolishing force that none of the "stuff" could reckon with. In full force I watched it rip the beams from where the ceiling used to be, tearing down walls as if they were made of toothpicks.

I know. It's a "new beginning," so everyone has said. A clean slate. I'm well aware. But in this moment, right now, I needed my time to grieve. And in my time of need, you were there. I posted "Don't ask...just pray. Please." and within minutes I had responses, comments, texts and emails from dozens who committed to praying. Faithful warriors, you've been there. Praying while we waited for a child. Praying while we went to meet our son. Praying when I went overseas on mission. Praying when mom was hospitalized. Praying after a fire torched our worldly belongings. Praying when things haven't seemed clear. And today without being given a reason, you were asked and you responded. I'm so thankful for you. Thank you for letting me grieve and cry, feeling loved and prayed for the entire time.

We moved into this house almost four years to the day that it burned. Now just two days before the two month anniversary of the fire that destroyed this home, all that remains is a pile of rubble and a concrete slab.

We're told by the end of tomorrow nothing will remain. There will be a cleared piece of land with no remnants of the house that once stood.

I already admitted I needed the grieve time. I needed the ugly cry. And at the same time, I also became strikingly aware that with or without the house, the property remains. The mailbox still boasts 166 Addie Way with or without the residence that once stood. That piece of vacant land can't house a family but it still serves its purpose to hold a house.

While I don't want to over-spiritualize, you know I must draw the lesson. The old house had to be torn down. It could no longer function as a home. The remaining structure sat rotting and decaying for nearly two months after first being destroyed by fire. The emotions came because of the finality of the destruction.

I saw a half torn green wall that used to be a bedroom. It was the room where I knelt and prayed and cried ugly tears asking God for a child, believing Him for a miracle. It was the same green wall that became E's bedroom.

"Can they bring the stones back to life from those heaps of rubble—burned as they are?" Nehemiah 4:3

No, the stones can't come back to life. The burned beams can't support a structure. The mortar and brick are no longer attached. Two months after a fire burned the house that once stood at 166 Addie Way the house is gone but the memories remain.

DEMOLITION!

2011-06-25T21:26:00.007-04:00

...Tear the house down!

The tractor rolled in first thing this morning and it's parked right beside the structure once called home. They'll be there Monday to fire up the engine and start tearing down the house. They say by Tuesday evening there will be one giant empty lot. (It will take a day just to haul away the debris.)

Elijah (and the almost-3-year old next door, Jacob) got to be real boys playing in the dirt and inspecting the tractor. It wouldn't be a real "boy party" without dirt. You know, the red Virginia clay that just gets down under your finger nails?! It's the kind that's caked onto the inside of a giant tractor "claw" (yes, that is my technical term). The kind that a 3 year old boy found fully entertaining to scrape off in chunks with a shovel. Those hunks of dried clay found themselves hurled onto the brick of the "fire house" (affectionately named by E), splattering into pieces and flecks of dirty flying all over.

Unbeknownst to me, E also found a puddle where he decided to make his first mud pie. The aftermath was him holding up two mud-red hands and asking "Mommy, what happened?" I couldn't be mad. It was hilarious. His brown & teal shirt was now caked in red clay. Oh, my boy!

Somehow the amazing artistry of Brett Hastie captured the mischievous look that we've come to know and love from our active and wide open boy. You can see it in his eye - you can watch the wheels of his brain turning to decide "Am I going to make a good decision...OR..." This is the look right before he usually takes off running in the opposite direction, dies laughing with a deep-throated giggle, or tries to hurriedly explain his way out of the trouble he's just found himself in. There's so much going on in that little head. He's so active. So full of life. Always on the go. Extremely creative. And always entertaining!

Fun in the summer time!

2011-06-13T23:59:00.005-04:00

Boy, does this boy love to be outside! He wakes up and the first thing out of his mouth when he wakes up is "I need to go outside!" The temperatures are getting hot and the gnats are awful but that doesn't stop him from wanting to be outside...All. The. Time. He loves the pool. He loves the slip 'n slide. He loves his beach chair. And loving him is the best thing about it all!

Moving On...

2011-06-02T21:23:00.007-04:00

One month and 4 days after a house fire that declared everything a "total loss," the insurance company accepted the contractor's bid and they finally gave approval to KNOCK IT DOWN!

So many have asked what's next. The rebuilding process. I'm not going to explain all the insurance reasons because I don't understand them all myself, but the house has to be rebuilt on THAT SAME property. The floor plans can be changed - meaning we have been given an amount that the insurance company, contractor and we feel is fair to be able to rebuild the same house. If another floor plan is chosen/used, it just has to be within that amount or pay the difference. Some modifications will be made! :) Okay, maybe a lot.

The reality is, there has been a lot going on. More than just the house fire. Nearly two weeks ago my mom was taken off her 7 day cruise and hospitalized in St. Maarten with internal bleeding. Two days and four units of blood later, they were finally in Miami trying to make their way back to Lynchburg when she had to be hospitalized again. Another 4 days passed before they'd make it home. She's now recovering, though weak, with several bleeding ulcers. The event alone was traumatic, but not being able to communicate, knowing they were first in a different country then still out of state, it was certainly a difficult situation.

So here I am ... one trial after another. Praying for guidance and wisdom. Praying for grace and strength. Praying everyday when I wake up that I'm prepared to face whatever may come my way.

But I know one thing. God is sovereign. He's not surprised by any situation. And He does not give us more than we can handle. I'm standing strong on that promise.

The rental house is available this weekend. What is the need? Honestly? Everything. Stocking the fridge, cabinets, pantry, cleaning supplies, essentials. I've started a registry at Target.com to try and get the basics.

One day at a time. That's all I can do. Taking one day at a time, one trial at a time, one step a time, one promise at a time.

(P.S. In case you're wondering why I'm being so honest, I have no choice. I live a life in the "public eye" through ministry, work, and my personality. I don't write these honest and open updates for sympathy or accolades. I share from my heart because I know that I'm not the only one hurting. I know that others are going through their own trials, their own pain. Pain and trials and circumstances are a part of life. We can't choose them. But we can choose our response.)

Status Quo

2011-05-29T00:10:00.001-04:00

I don't like the status quo. I don't like static, or stagnation. I am self-diagnosed A.D.D. I can't sit still because I feel like I'm wasting time. If I'm not doing at least 3 things at once, I don't feel productive. Every position I've been in, every project given, every task assigned - it is my goal to produce growth. I have a masters in counseling but I didn't pursue licensure because I couldn't help people who wouldn't help themselves. I felt like I had failed if I didn't see growth. It's been my job - in every job - to make things happen. I like vision. But I also like a plan. I need action items. There's no point in having a meeting full of great ideas if we don't leave with a plan in place and action to follow up with - otherwise they're just ideas.

I suppose someone could look at my life circumstances over the past few weeks and months and wonder. There's a lot of things to wonder: is this punishment? Is it a testing of faith? Is it failure?Is it for growth?

There are no accidents in the life of a child of God. I firmly believe that. So here I am. Knowing that my life circumstances aren't accidents. Knowing that Sovereign God knows what I'm facing - before it comes my way - and He knows what I need to get through.

I can tell you in all things I feel blessed. Most of my life has been fairly uncomplicated. So going through trial after trial after trial has certainly taken its toll.

I don't know what the reasons are for the trials. I don't know what I'm supposed to learn from the pain. I don't know what I must do other than fall on my face and seek the Lord. So no, I don't like the status quo. I don't want to remain stagnant. I pray for growth. I pray for grace. I pray for strength. I pray the journey is a blessing - no matter what it brings. Because living as the status quo just doesn't suit me. That's not who God created me to be and that's why I trust He's not finished with me yet!

Psalm 119

2011-05-24T15:08:00.002-04:00

"May my cry come before You, O Lord; give me understanding according to Your Word." (169)

It's ok to cry. It's ok to not understand. But in my tears, I pray for Your Word to bring wisdom."May my supplication come before You; deliver me according to Your promise." (170)

In earnest prayer, I bring my requests before You, asking for Your assurance to be fulfilled.

"May my lips overflow with praise, for You teach me Your decrees." (181)I cry out to You, I pray to You, I present my requests before You - but I also bring a sacrifice of praise!

"May my tongue sing of Your word, for all Your commands are righteous." (172)

I bring forth songs to You, knowing Your ways are good."May Your hand be ready to help me, for I have chosen Your precepts." (173)

I choose You. I choose Your way. I choose Your Word. I pray for Your hand to uphold me. "I long for Your salvation, O Lord, and Your law is my delight." (174)I need You, to come to my rescue. I delight in Your ways."Let me live that I may praise You, and may Your laws sustain me." (175)

I pray my life will praise you and Your commands will be my guide."I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek Your servant, for I have not forgotten Your commands." (176)Forgive me for seeking my own way. Find me, Lord, and know I have not forsaken Your way.

A Moment in Job

2011-05-23T23:12:00.000-04:00

I know it's not more than I can handle. God promised not to do that. But I admit I've come to my point of weakness. I admit I've fallen far short of being humanly capable of handling all that I'm facing.

Dear blog friends, I've come to you countless times before to pour out my heart, to share words of encouragement, to give you testimonies of God's goodness. Here I am before you with a humble and broken heart, living only on the daily manna that is being provided to sustain me - one moment at a time. I've allowed you into my life, to rejoice in the joys, sorrow in the pains, and to live life with me via this technological "ministry."

I come to you now as open and honest as I've ever been, pouring out my heart - not in a self-serving manner, but simply because in my weakness I am praying He will be my strength.

I don't dare count my life to be 'full of trials." On the contrary, I've been blessed beyond what I deserve, enjoying His goodness and lavish love. Now I find myself seeking - His face, not His hand. Not asking for a blessing, but praying for His annointing.

I find myself in Job, who wouldn't after facing trial after trial, and I'm reminded of His promises.

"Can you fathom the mysteries of God? (No, I surely can't)
Can you probe the limits of the Almighty? (I'm so thankful He's limitless)
They are higher than the heavens - what can you do? (Apart from Him, absolutely nothing.)
They are deeper than the depths of the grave - what can you know? (I can't even comprehend...)
Their measure is longer than the earth and wider than the sea."
Job 11:7-9

I wrote a week ago I wasn't asking "Why, God?" but "What, God?" I admit, now I'm feeling like whatever it is I'm supposed to be learning I pray I learn it quickly and without anymore "hard" lessons. And yet I'm also mindful that whatever it is, it's big enough that God has "trusted" me with the trial. I now pray He will turn my trial into my testimony. I pray that He will use this to reach others. I pray that He will use this to show His glory. I begin to construct my altar - stone on top of stone - laying the rocks that mark the trials, each serving as a reminder of His goodness, mercy and grace.

"You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure because there is hope..." Job 11:16-17, 18a

I have a note in the margin beside this verse to refer back to Isaiah 43:2, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you."

What I want to remember is not the trouble I endured but the Trusted One who saw me through. What I want to build an altar on is the assurance that I am secure because of His hope. What I want to see is not the darkness of the unknown but the Light of the One leading me through the Valley of the shadow of death.

I admit my weakness as I share this lesson, but most of all I covet your prayers. I'm also mindful that while you share in my sufferings and sympathize with my pain, I don't want anyone to feel as though they should help remove this "thorn." Rather, I pray you will walk with me as brothers and sisters in Christ, knowing that where two or more are gathered, He is in our midst. Sometimes I don't know what to pray, so I'm counting on you to send up the prayers on my behalf.

Please pray for my mom as she's in the hospital in Miami, having a procedure done tomorrow to hopefully find and fix the internal bleeding. If all goes well, pray they can return on Thursday.

3 Weeks

2011-05-19T23:07:00.002-04:00

As I lay me down to sleep...I'm mindful that tonight marks 3 weeks since the fire. Even tonight, another 2 hours were spent going through the storage unit and the final boxes of "stuff" that used to be our belongings. The final inventory was taken and most of the remains were tossed in the garage to be "cleared away" when the house is torn down and removed. It's weird to see memories and reminder of life tossed into the trash pile.

Even as we sorted through the remaining mess, neighbors, strangers and passersby stopped by...giving kind words, encouragement, even additional donations. It's hard to believe that 3 weeks later people are still stopping and still caring and still concerned enough to reach out. I'm simply in awe of God and His goodness and the tangible ways He's used these hands and feet to serve us.

The contractors are starting to submit their bids of what it will take to rebuild the house from scratch and it's coming in higher than what the insurance originally offered. Ultimately, we are guaranteed what we had so the negotiation begins with the insurance company. (Notice I say negotiation and not argument - at least not yet.) So far we've been told not to worry. (Easier said than done, of course.)

Once we have the right amount needed to rebuild at least what we had, they could care less if that's what we build. We just have to rebuild on that property (aka - can't take the money and run). So I've searched out floor plans and decided all of the things I loved about the house - and the things I would want to change. This is still yet to be finalized and determined, but it's been fun to think about.

Oh and just to be sure, the baby birds were checked and they're already growing and appear to be doing well. All four are still alive and thriving!

"It's Not Working..."

2011-05-18T21:50:00.002-04:00

The plan was to start potty training the week before E turned 3. That obviously didn't happen given the change of events. But if we weren't living in limbo right now, he'd be ready. He actually went for the first time a week ago (woo hoo) and me, Lindsay and mom all threw a party. He was so excited and we were so proud. So now I try everyday...but it hasn't had a repeat effort. And tonight he sat there pushing with all his might until he finally exclaimed, "It's not working, mommy!" HA HA! My sweet little love.

New Life

2011-05-17T23:32:00.002-04:00

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26

The day after the fire we were still reeling from what had happened - sorting through our belongings, trying to find items we could possibly salvage. Amidst the ash and debris, our hearts were broken. It was a beautiful sunny day, despite how dark and dirty our "world" seemed.

And there atop the scorched frame of the house a robin sat perched on the burned wood. It was hard to ignore her - she was singing and chirping, seemingly unaware of how her lovely melody wasn't at all reflective of my feelings.

I was aggravated at her presence. She wouldn't leave nor would she stop singing. She had no idea she was comfortable sitting on a piece of wood, now charred and black from fire, that once made the peak of my home. She had no regard for me. Or maybe she did.

As we went around and through the house, Ed found it. The bird's nest that was underneath the staircase of the back deck. It was only about 5 steps up so it seemed to be protected from the flames and debris. Inside were 4 blue eggs. The joke was surely that they must have been hardboiled.

But today, less than 3 weeks since the fire and this nest's discovery, the joke was disproven...the eggs were hatched! Four baby birds, whose home exists in the midst of the rubble and rubbish we once called home.

You'd better believe that mama was close by. No longer watching from the top of the charred frame, she and papa were taking turns tending to the baby birds, swooping in at any sign or thought of danger.

How exciting to see this new life, in the middle of the mold infested, burned down walls and frame that used to be home. It is such a reminder of His promises!

The Glory of Suffering

2011-05-17T09:52:00.003-04:00

I know the prayers of many have been heard on our behalf. I'm thankful for that. Even in midst of the trial, there have been times I simply didn't know what to pray. The words just wouldn't come. So I needed to know there were intercessors standing in the gap. Thank you, dear friends.

And now I come to a place where I'm not questioning why God's plan is this - but I'm trying to discover what it is He wants me to learn from it.

Today I found 2 Peter 4:12-13, "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the spiritual trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed."

I can honestly say that I'd much rather NOT go through the fire and trial. It's painful. It hurts. It's exhausting. But if this is what I must do to see His glory revealed, I willingly accept. As Oswald says, "Does it really matter that our circumstances are difficult? Why shouldn't they be! If we give way to self-pity and indulge in the luxury of misery, we remove God's riches from our lives and hinder others from entering into His provision."

I can attest to that. Had it not been for a house fire, a total loss, and all the things that still remain "unknown," I wouldn't also be experiencing the blessings, the prayers, the encouragement - and ultimately God's provision.

Oswald continues, "Before God becomes satisfied with us, He will take everything of our so-called wealth, until we learn that He is our source." Oh what a painful lesson to learn. To have everything stripped away. But what a freeing liberation to be unhindered and baggage-less to experience His full and abundant supply!

It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. It doesn't mean it isn't painful. It just means that I can know and have faith that no matter the cost, no matter the sacrifice, no matter the level of perseverance, I can know He is working out His plan so that I might see His glory revealed.

Aww...Coconuts!

2011-05-15T21:59:00.002-04:00

I have a confession to make. I've tried so hard to watch what I say. To mind my manners. Especially in front of my little mimmick.

So when I saw "Daggummit" a few weeks ago out of frustration over being in a hurry and doing too much at once - I had no idea the ramifications it would have on my wee one.

The only problem his version of "daggummit" is, well...not a nice word.

It's now become a battle of the wills. In this trying time, he's been pushing the limits as much as possible (and maybe because he's 3). But either way anytime he's frustrated he blurts it out... Aww "daggummit"...and he immediately knows he's not supposed to say it and is going to get in trouble so he quickly changes his course and says "Mommy, I say Aww Coconuts!"

Little rascal!

What's on Pandora

2011-05-12T11:57:00.000-04:00

The music ministering to my soul right this moment, Bethany Dillon's Hallelujah:

Who can hold the stars
And my weary heart?
Who can see everything?

I've fallen so hard
Sometimes I feel so far
But not beyond your reach

I could climb a mountain
Swim the ocean
Or do anything
But it's when you hold me
That I start unfolding
And all I can say is

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

The same sun that
Rises over castles
And welcomes the day

Spills over buildings
Into the streets
Where orphans play

And only you can see the good
In broken things
You took my heart of stone
And you made it home
And set this prisoner free

Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
Help me to sing hallelujah
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Whatever's in front of me
I'll choose to sing hallelujah

A Total Loss

2011-05-11T21:27:00.000-04:00

Total: the whole amount, complete

Loss: something that is lost

We got the news today: A total loss. Ordinarily, hearing that your entire home and its contents being declared a "total loss" wouldn't be good news. Although, with this outcome we are truly praising the Lord. Please know and remember this is a direct answer to prayer!

Why would we WANT our home to be declared a total loss? From all apparent accounts and research being able to tear down the entire house and completely rebuild seemed to be unanimously what everyone recommended and suggested. The cost to keep the bottom level and clean the mold and water damage was actually higher than what they're giving us to rebuild. So we're thrilled with the news to be able to start from scratch.

(Please also understand words like "thrilled" and "excited" during the midst of such tragedy really do bring a whole new meaning to perspective.)

Remember how I also said I'm getting a whole new education?! My head is spinning. Between insurance, contractors, demolition, construction, floor plans...it's mind-boggling. Ed spent most of the night on the phone with all kinds of people getting all kinds of advice.

There are still a million things to do (and pray about):
-finish the inventory (18 pages and growing)
-clean out the storage container and sort through items that we want to try to clean
-secure a temporary rental place (still sorting through about 2 or 3 options - really praying for a place that's comfortable but close enough to sitter, church, work, family, life)
-research house floor plans
-find a contractor and hopefully someone who can also demo the current property (apparently a piece of the puzzle I somehow didn't realize was our responsibility...guess you have to knock down the old to make room for new, right?!)

Why am I blogging about all this? A lot of reasons.

1. I process through writing
2. I know so many of you are praying
3. I pray it can be an encouragement and testimony to someone

We continue to claim His promises, knowing today's "total loss" is a total victory in direct answer to prayer.

Tonight I heard a song on the radio that I've sung in church before, and it was such a comfort. To know I've sung these words as an encouragement to others, and now I can cling to them as my own hope and strength:

"Even though I'm walking through the valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of him whose love will comfort me.
When all hope is gone and I've been wounded in the battle,
He is all the strength that I will ever need...
He will carry me."

The bridge goes:

And even though I feel so lonely
Like I have never felt before
You never said it would be easy
But you said you'd see me through the storm!

Amen to that!

"Fire got my house?"

2011-05-11T14:41:00.000-04:00

As I process all of this in my 30-something year old mind, a regular question asked is "How is Elijah dealing with everything?"

For this just-turned-three-year-old, he's certainly a trooper! I'm so thankful he wasn't there and didn't have to see it or be pulled out of a burning house. I feel that could have had devastating affects. For the most part, he's always been a fairly well-adjusted kid. This included. But for his little comprehension, our conversation usually goes like this:

"Where E going?"
(The normal answer is to his babysitter's or preschool or Nana's.)
"E go home?"
(No, E, we can't go home.)
"Fire got my house?"
(Yes, E, fire got your house...but we're all safe.)
"I get a new house?"
(Yes, E, you're going to get a new house.)
"I want green room!"
(Okay! Mommy wants a purple room!)
"Fix my house right now!"

Sometimes he's asked to put a band-aid on his house.

Sometimes he's asked about a specific toy and if we can't find it he'll ask if the fire got it. In some cases, that's true.

He's aware of the fire. He knows it ruined the house. He knows it destroyed his toys. He's okay with most of his new toys - but we've definitely had to replace some other favorites that he lost.

He understands he can't go "home" even though he continues to ask. He is comfortable and happy at Nana & Papa's but I know he misses his own space. As we all do. Poor mom and dad. I'm so thankful to them and their loving hearts and generosity. We could be piled into a hotel but instead they've graciously allowed us to invade their entire house.

Continue to pray for wisdom as Elijah asks questions and processes.

In the News

2011-05-10T23:47:00.008-04:00

The Liberty University student paper article about our house fire:

http://www.libertychampion.com/2011/05/05/local-family-loses-house-gains-community/

Local Lynchburg paper article:

Local ABC Affiliate story - click on the video on the right to see the news package.

How Great Is Our God

2011-05-10T20:51:00.002-04:00

There's an old song that keeps playing in my mind...

Thank you, for giving to the Lord
I am a life that was changed
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am so glad you gave.

Truly, I am a life - we are lives - touched by the generosity of strangers. People who don't even know us, reaching out to us as we rebuild, rebuy, re-establish.

Tonight I sat opening cards, sorting through singles and loose change, gift cards and even checks...all donated by proceeds collected from our neighbors. You see, Saturday, May 7th was the annual Russell Springs neighborhood yard sale. Neighbor after neighbor donated proceeds, hosted bake sales, and even took up collections to help us rebuild. Rallying behind was one neighbor in particular, whom I simply can't thank enough for how she reached out. We're just unbelievably blessed. All the while the song "How Great is Our God" playing in the background.

Another phone call came today with the donation of a mattress and box spring. Tonight we looked at two rental houses. Looking for a temporary place to stay as we wait to rebuild.

Lots of people are asking about the update. As for insurance, we know the estimate was turned in for the first floor/brick and main structure to remain and be cleaned and the top floor rebuilt. We know that quote was within a few thousand dollars of the full amount that we're allowed for a full rebuild, so we're still praying for that to be the final outcome.

We also know that everything INSIDE was declared a total loss (belongings/possessions) and the inventory list is still growing. Everyday I see something, remember something, forget something...I have a typed running list of 17 pages thus far...and it's not even close to being done. I admit, this has probably been one of the most taxing and emotional parts.

We will get to change the plans inside - to some extent. We also have coverage to help us rent a property while the rebuild happens. So...I'm getting a whole new education in insurance!

As we continue to go day by day through this journey, things change rapidly. I'm grateful for home cooked meals - my office has been providing those daily. I'm thankful for friends, family, neighbors and a community who's reached out to us. I'm mindful of my little boy who keeps asking "Fix my house! Get me a new house!" It's still hard to explain to a 3-year exactly what's going on. He doesn't get that a band-aid isn't going to fix it. Tonight he was grateful to just come "home" to Nana's, have a bubble bath and enjoy his new Geo Trax.

He was so sweet and content to enjoy his "chippy chips and dippy dip" and "chocky milk." I'm so thankful for the little things that can bring such comfort.

And so I say, Thank you for giving to the Lord. We are LIVES changed by your generosity!

E turns 3!

2011-05-09T22:54:00.005-04:00

A very merry birthday it has been! Despite it all, E woke up to singing us all serenading him with "Happy Birthday" and our little boy repeated over and over that he was now 5 - not 3. Um, wait a minute son. Don't grow up too fast!

Cupcakes at preschool and more singing, takeout for dinner, and a trip to Toys R Us - and of course, more Lightning McQueen birthday cake - and this little 3 year old was one happy camper! Oh, and lest we forget the Geo Trax that he finally got for his birthday! :) Funny how even when we went to check out at Toys R Us the cashier knew all about our story and our home. But for a little while it was nice to forget about the mess and just let a kid be a kid in a toy store!

He wanted to bounce balls, push buttons, play the video game, ride the power wheels - oh yes, we still have to replace that! He decided to try out Lightning McQueen again, then a John Deer tractor (no baby, you will NOT go to Rustburg) and then finally upgraded to a Cadillac!

We also took a trip back to the house to take his picture in front of his tree that Pap planted when he was adopted. We get his picture in front of it every year - this year the scenery in the background isn't quite as nice to look at. But it's a reminder of the growing thriving tree that represents our growing thriving boy. Soon the house will be gone. But I was stand in front of that tree to make sure it's still standing!

Thanks for joining with us as we celebrated. This has been a wonderful distraction to everything else that's been going on. Tomorrow reality may (or may not) sink back in. Either way, for today, May 9, Happy Birthday Elijah! You are one loved and special little boy! I do not know what the future holds. I do know that in your short little life thus far, I've seen a story unfolding that I would never have believed. I pray for God's hand to be upon you. I pray for His blessings to be yours. I pray for you to know Him and walk in His wisdom. I pray for you to love him with that "happy heart" that's inside your body! I pray for your mind to grow in the riches of His promises. I pray for your hands to serve, your feet to go. I pray for your life to always be a testimony of Him and His goodness. I love you with all of my heart!

(There's a few pictures from Mother's Day too.)

Mother's Day

2011-05-08T22:32:00.000-04:00

Today we stood in church to be recognized. The first time was to be recognized as mothers across the congregation. From my vantage point on stage, I watched and clapped as I pridefully joined the ranks of those, young and old, who have bore the title "mom." And just as quickly as the smile filled my face, so did the memory of mother's day 3 years ago come rushing back to me.

You see, the day was May 10, 2008. I was not standing in church. I was not recognized as a mom. I was grieving at the thought of not being able to have the right to stand. For years, I wanted that title. But it was not yet mine. It was a desire of my heart that I surrendered to the Lord - either take away the desire to have a child or bless me with one. Little did I know that the day before that mother's day, a little boy had been born.

His name was Riley Jamieson, as Sara his birthmother called him. And he was 4lb 11oz and only 18" long. He was several weeks early and she had not yet had a chance to choose his adoptive parents. On May 23, we would get that invitation to become his adoptive parents and on May 31, he would be placed in our arms.

Please know that Mother's Day is a special day to me for a number of reasons. First, I honor the legacy of my Nanny who has lead our family as a strong Christian woman, passing that down to my mom who has devoted her life to being a prayer warrior and a giant of faith. Their Godly examples have lead me to the place where I can stand, looking at a house burned and destroyed, tested by broken dreams and heartbreaks, and yet not shaken. No, their faith isn't my faith. Their faith has helped me develop and accomplish my faith. I honor those who are birthmothers who've given the right to life and the most sacrificial act of love. I honor those who are not yet mothers, but in their heart of hearts, they struggle with that desire and dream.

The scriptures and songs I cling to in these times - when facing infertility and then the road to adoption - and now facing a burnt down house and such an uncertain future - those are things that were inbred in me from the time I was born, much in part by the Godly influence of my mother. These are the same songs and scriptures I'm teaching my son.

So today, I stood. I stood to be recognized. as a mother. Probably the proudest title I bear. And then I stood beside my sister, watching her and her husband dedicate the little life of my niece to the Lord. Four generations of faith standing on stage today. Thank you, Lord, for such a heritage.

Happy Birthday E!

2011-05-07T21:13:00.007-04:00

In all the whirlwind of the week, one thing we had already been anticipating - Elijah's 3rd birthday (technically Monday, May 9). We had been planning a backyard grill out with a bounce house and outdoor activities and some neighbors and other friends. Obviously, plans changed. But in this case - it was for the better. For a few hours, we got to be "normal" again - enjoying a the thrill of a little boy surrounded by family and friends, having a BLAST outside tubing at Snowflex, and absolutely overwhelmed with glee at all the excitement, presents, and - let's not forget - the lightning Macqueen cake!

Needless to say, it was a great birthday celebration. We are thankful to family and friends who rallied around us at the last minute to put this together in just a matter of days. It was certainly a memorable time for us all! Of course, better than me telling you...the pictures say it all!

Blessings

2011-05-06T22:21:00.000-04:00

It was on Monday before the fire when I posted Laura Story's song "Blessings" on Facebook. It touched me. We've already had the music discussion. But today I heard this song BOTH times I was in the car and it MOVED me ... to tears. Please hear and cherish these words.

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know the pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CSVqHcdhXQToday was a semi-normal day. We both made it back to work for a few hours (after my early morning trip to the doctor). Yes, I'm sick. Something like sinusitis and pneumonia but not. It's from breathing all the junk the past 6 days and, well, yes, now it's gotten into my sinues and lungs. But after a steroid shot - that left me practically paralyzed for 10 minutes - and a regimen of 3 weeks worth of steroid and antibiotic pills, I should be as good as new. (Wish the house could say the same!)

The search for housing continues. Looks like lots of places don't open up until June 1. There have been a few options, but not on this side of town where we have E's preschool, babysitter, family, church and work. So that continues to be a matter of prayer.

Tomorrow we get to be distracted by celebrating Elijah's 3rd birthday. Since the previously planned "backyard barbecue" happened a week early (go ahead, you can laugh), we had to scramble to plan a last-minute on-location party. All WEEK Elijah has been screaming for his "Lightning McQueen Cake." And you'd better believe - he's going to get it! Tonight he was so excited about going to bed because "Mommy, when I wake up, I have a party?!" YES! He IS my son!!!

Peace I give...

2011-05-05T21:42:00.000-04:00

Through all this, songs keep coming to mind. Music is in my soul. It ministers to every part of who I am.

Thank you, Candy, for reminding me of the song I'd recently sung in church "When I think I'm going under, part the waters, Lord. When I feel the waves around me, calm the sea. When I cry for help, oh hear me, Lord, and hold out your hand. Touch my life and still the raging storm in me." Such powerful words. Such a promise of what I need.

Today we learned the contents of the home were declared a total loss. What does that mean? Well, it means between fire, water, smoke and now the growing mold and mildew (oh the wretched smells coming from my once bath & body works wallflowers scented home!) everything INSIDE - all belongings - were declared a total loss. That means we can claim every single last piece of paper that was once in our home.

So for the past two days we've gone through every single room, every single box, and every single item that we could see or somewhat make out, cataloging and inventorying everything. And then there's the stuff we can't see. The stuff that's gone. Burned. Destroyed. And trying to wrack my brain of those items that once we called ours.

I admit. I had a meltdown today. At one point, Ed was being interviewed by the insurance investigator and the fire marshall (more on that later) and i thought I only had two more boxes to go...and then a delivery from ServPro showed up with about 10 more boxes. And I lost it. My wonderful neighbor was right there and let me "crash" on the front lawn while she helped dig through the boxes. I suppose if that's the first time I really broke down, I was allowed. In true "Carrie" style, I suppose I'm too honest. But, through all this, all i can say is it's real.

After the "investigation" it was declared that the fire started with the grill. It was accidental and still an exact cause seems to be unknown. We grilled last Thursday night and Ed knows he turned off the grill, but not the propane tank. The investigator also said our grill was much too large for our deck (insert the Tim the Toolman Grunt Argh Argh Argh). All in all, it was accidental.

It's also hard to believe that one week ago tonight is when this whirlwind journey began. Each day has been unplanned and unknown, sometimes changing by the minute. But through it all, I want you to hear me say that God is faithful! He's provided blessings along the way and has wrapped His loving arms around me - even in the middle of my meltdown!

It's just stuff....

2011-05-04T23:51:00.001-04:00

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matthew 6:19-20

The stuff. Oh the stuff. It’s amazing what you can collect and acquire. Even more amazing is that I didn’t think I missed things until I realized they were gone. It’s also unbelievable to see how things ended up all over the place. I’ve found chocolate malt balls all over the house. Bedroom, hallway, kitchen, living room. How did chocolate malt balls get everywhere?! And then I found the empty package laying in the hall. It must have exploded and malt balls – well, they went everywhere. You just have to laugh.

What doesn’t make me laugh are the globs of charred and melted Christmas ornaments and decorations I keep finding. I’m starting my own game called “Guess the Blob” where you have to figure out what object or number of objects melted together to make a big ol’ blob! (Remember, if I don’t laugh, I’ll cry!)

I’ve found precious things that I proudly displayed in a curio cabinet my parents bought me for my 21 birthday. I had packed them away and wrapped in them newspaper so Ed could move the curio cabinet to the kitchen while we waited for carpet. The entire cabinet ended up tossed on its side and completely destroyed. Again something that seemed like an inconvenience but ended up being such a blessing.

And yet, it made me think – ask myself – what if it had all been destroyed. Would I still be thankful? Would I still have joy? Would I still be able to praise Him in the storm?

I’m so thankful for the people who came over today and helped us inventory, counting DVD’s, spoiled food in the fridge and freezer, piles of hanging clothes, everything buried under at least a foot or more of soot and debris. Thank you, Susan, Julie & Gary! Ironically, and again comically, so many of the items that had been in the back unfinished rom were all my yardsale items. (Oh fyi, Russell Springs is having a neighborhood yard sale this Saturday.) Funny how my old “stuff” that I wanted to get rid of and didn’t use anymore is now most of the only “stuff” I have left.

Here’s the lesson I am learning; please heed my words – it’s all just STUFF. Stuff can be replaced. As we walk day by day, I’m reminded of what’s important. Family, friends, prayers, love, reaching out to meet a need, gratefully and humbly accepting when you are in need. Please hear me on this. I wish I could have been at the breakfast table of the homes in Russell Springs on Friday morning when parents were talking to their children about a “fire escape plan.” I wish I could have heard the conversations. I’m privy to one that a neighbor shared, saying her two little girls could only ask if the little boy who lived there was okay and if he needed toys because they would share theirs. People have given out of their abundance. And people have given out of their own need. And yet, what we’re receiving is so much love, we’re simply overwhelmed.

People keep asking how I am. I’m tired. I’m actually exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I’m sick from all the smoke and now mold, having lost my voice since Friday. But, as E says, I have a happy heart and I’m not letting go of that. I love you all.

Day by Day

2011-05-03T23:50:00.002-04:00

What could be more fun than shopping?! I couldn't handle another day at the house. We needed a break. So we went shopping. I love shopping. I hate not getting things on sale. I'm a bargain shopper, so not having coupons, BOGO's, or other 'deals' makes it hard to shop knowing I'm paying full price.

Sometimes I'd look through a rack and think "Oh yeah, I forgot I had that..." That's a weird feeling.

As this process still continues to unfold, the "status" right now is to find a temporary place to live - 6 mos at least - and wait to hear the estimate of what it will cost to rebuild. The adjuster will decide if it's too expensive to gut the inside, keeping the first floor, or if it's better to start over. That's still to be determined.

As the rain started to pour tonight, it made me sad, mindful that every raindrop is sinking right into the ash and soot where the roof is missing.

And then I read this: God is a God of the second chance. God is a redeeming God. Sometimes He redeems the mess and brings “beauty from ashes, the oil of joy for mourning; the garment of praise for the spirit of despair,” and sometimes He even “restores the years the locusts have eaten.” – Jill Briscoe

Just like those pounding raindrops, thousands upon thousands of drops, the blessings keep pouring and pouring in. Family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, strangers... Daily we receive cards and donations and we simply cannot say thanks enough.

This road continues to wind and twist and turn. And it's rocky and bumpy and tough to pass. Every part of me is reminded that Satan wants a victory. He seeks to steal and destroy. But I am determined to keep my joy. How can I not, when little E pulls up his "new" shirt and says, "Mommy, I got a happy heart in there!" I see baby, I see!

Thank you everyone!

2011-05-02T22:58:00.001-04:00

2011-05-01T23:49:00.001-04:00

May 1. Wow, how did that happen?! As an update we have spent the last few days rummaging through the house, digging through soot and ash and water to find things that could still be salvaged. Ed had done a bunch of his laundry the night before and many of those clothes were downstairs suffering only smoke and water damage that we think can be removed. Clothes that were in dresser drawers have been hit or miss, but some of the precious things - like the outfit Elijah was dedicated in - remained unburned and just smokey and sooty. I'm told we can "clean that right up!"

We did not suffer a total loss of our things and it's been such a blessing to see what has been able to be recovered, and with some washing and cleaning, will most likely be salvageable. As dresser drawers were coming out, I asked where my dresser drawers were...and that's when we realized it was at the entry point of the fire. I kept perfume in the top drawers and - KABOOM - it must have exploded because my dresser isn't even there. Praise the Lord, the second thing Ed brought out of the house (the first was the dog) was my jewelry box that had been on top of the dresser! That was certainly a precious thing to me!

We've been absolutely overwhelmed by your generosity. The calls, texts, messages, people stopping by, the deliveries, the cards, and the prayers. I've spent the evening going through the boxes and bags of donations and am certain Elijah will never go without clothes or toys! THANK YOU!!!

There's still so much to share but one thing for sure, I'm so simply humbled by the outpouring. When I think about our loss compared to the blessings we've received, it seems to pale in comparison. People we don't even know. People I've only "met" through Facebook. I am brought to tears at the thought of it all.

I've had my moments of tears over other things as well. Yesterday, Michelle and her beautiful children brought us a picture for our new home that reads "God's Promises for New Beginnings." Such a reminder! Last night I got upset remembering the pictures of E from preschool that were to be framed and given as mother's day gifts to his grandmas & Nana. I get sick to my stomach every time I think about Christmas and having to buy all new ornaments, knowing how much each one of my collection means to me. But that's not what matters.

As Shari Falwell shared with me over the phone, they recently buried two church members - young people - who lost their lives in that apartment f

ire. To think of the tragic outcome their families suffered, it doesn't even compare. Here's the last thing I'll say for now. We meet with the insurance adjuster at 10 a.m. Monday, 5/2. PLEASE EARNESTLY PRAY for God's favor in hopes of them declaring our house a total loss. Between the structural damage to the attic & top floor from fire, and the water damage to the bottom level, we are hoping for a total loss so that it can be demolished and the slate wiped clean to start over.

As I entered the house today, the smell of smoke was overwhelming. It reminded me of the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednago in Daniel 3:27: "They saw that the fire had not harmed their bodies, nor was a hair of their heads singed; their robes were not scorched, and there was no smell of fire on them."We know fire refines us. It can be painful, but it doesn't mean we are burned. I'm confident He's going to see us through without a hair singed, without scorching, and without the least little smell of smoke! Thank you, friends! We love you all!

Beauty from Ashes

2011-04-30T19:28:00.003-04:00

"When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel your Savior." Isaiah 43:2b-3a

The Fire

About 1:40 a.m. Ed was awakened by Jackson (the amazing Jack Russell) panting and pacing. Once awake, he immediately smelled smoke and ran upstairs (I'll explain later). He saw the flames on the outside of the house shooting across the back door. At 1:44 a.m. he called 9-1-1 and tried to call me.

We were having new carpet installed. They came and put the padding down Wednesday and all of the bedroom furniture was in the living room and kitchen. We were frustrated that some things had happened with the carpet being special ordered and delayed and the original plan was that the carpet would have been completed Thursday and all furniture should have been moved back that night. As it turned out, it was going to take several more days to complete. But that frustration now proves to be a BLESSING! Ed was sleeping downstairs in the family room with the dog and Elijah and I were at my parents because the house was in disarray from that process. NO ONE was asleep in the upstairs bedrooms. SUCH a praise!

Ed managed to wake the neighbor (Thank you, Art!) and they made 3 trips back and forth grabbing things and throwing it on the front lawn. Some clothes and electronics made it out (although not sure if the big screen survived the water from the firetrucks).

My dad drove me over within minutes of Ed calling. All we knew was his frantic call said the house was on fire and to come quickly. I will never forget the sight I saw as we passed Brentwood on English Tavern and I looked into the neighborhood to see the sky lit up with flames and black smoke. I had no idea how bad it would be until I saw it. I started to scream and cry, now realizing the sudden reality we were facing.The firetrucks pulled into the neighborhood just in front of us. By the time we were on the scene, dozens and dozens of people were out. First responders, EMT, rescue crew, neighbors... We had to park several houses away. I remember flying out of the car and taking off running down the street, losing my shoes in the process. I had to find Ed. Was he ok? Did Jackson make it out? Once knowing both of them were safe, I turned in disbelief. By this time it was a little after 2 a.m. and within 20 minutes the entire top of the house was engulfed in flames and caving in. It was gone.

Ed was being treated for smoke inhalation as he and Art had made 3 trips back in grabbing as much as they could. He was in total shock and they refused to let him leave the ambulance. I remember running back and forth, checking on him, watching the house, talking to the fire marshall, running interference with neighbors. I just remember running.

It's important (to me) to share that we put on offer on that house the same day we found out we couldn't conceive our own children. I left the doctor's office after leaving the realtor and sat in the driveway and cried and prayed...staring at the windows of the bedrooms that I just knew would one day be a room for my child(ren). As you all know, God blessed us with Elijah a year and a month after we moved in. God gave us that house and He gave us the promise that one day there would be the pitter patter of little feet running through.

It's also important to share that things haven't always been easy. The past year has probably been the toughest. But we serve a faithful God and He knew exactly what He was doing the whole time.

Looking at the structure that we once called home seems overwhelming and devastating. As we've now sifted through soot and ash and sorted through belongings, we've been blessed to find personal belongings and things we never thought would be recovered. Sitting down and processing everything has yet to happen. Every so often I'll think of something that I know is gone.

And then there are all the miracles. On Friday morning when we came back to the house for the first time I was in tears thinking about the album Elijah's birthmother made for him. Most of our pictures are digital and can be reprinted but the album from her was irreplaceable. Within a few hours, it was recovered - in tact - and nearly unharmed! Something so precious and so memorable and I'm so thankful.

I cried on the phone talking to my Poppy thinking about all the things I had inherited from my Nanny when she passed. Because we had packed up my curio cabinet all those items were wrapped up and in a storage container - NOT in the living room where they'd normally be (which was destroyed) but in the kitchen. Many of them were recovered and are being restored!

The people. Oh the people. The support. The love. From Spirit FM announcing it to their entire listening audience, to WSET putting us on the 11 o'clock news to Hyland Heights and TRBC church members coming together to demonstrate the beautiful body of Christ at work. Truly, you have seen a need and you have reached deeply into your hearts and your cupboards and your pockets and you have BLESSED US! We simply cannot say thank you enough. I've been trying to keep track of everyone who's given and donated and shown up and my list has filled up the front and back of an entire page! I want to send thank you notes but I just don't think I can get to you all. So often we've returned to my mom's and found donations on her porch or have had neighbors drive by and hand us something - and we don't even know your name! Oh, how deep the Father's love for us. He has LAVISHED it on us through you!!!

The crew. I tried to thank you all that night, but to the firefighters, rescue workers, EMT and responders on the scene, THANK YOU! God bless you and your WORK and SERVICE! I know two things: 1-We could not make it without you and 2-You have a special calling on your life that I utterly respect. Many of them have stopped back by to check on us. A simple story but I went back into the kitchen to find a stack of papers - I was searching for a very special document that had Elijah's footprints stamped from his 2nd birthday. (PRAISE THE LORD I FOUND IT!) But on the TOP of the stack was an unopened/slightly charred envelope that was from the Lyn Dan Heights Fire Department. I can tell you I WILL be sending you my support. And every time I hear a siren, I will be saying a prayer for you!

We're so thankful to Neil Wilson and the ServPro crew - even though you "work for us" you've been on the scene by our sides helping us uncover and restore our personal belongings. Even one of the volunteer firefighters who was on the scene of our home, showed up the next day working for ServPro.

Our church, work, friends, neighbors and family have rallied around, digging through ash and helping us uncover belongings. We're so thankful for you. To my wonderful parents whose world and house has been turned upside down, thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know you would never have it any other way, but we couldn't do it without you!!! I LOVE YOU!

The requests to help have been overwhelming, so let me add here that we appreciate all you're ALL doing. Right now our immediate and basic needs are taken care of. We can assure you as we figure out where to go from here, we'll need further and continued support. We don't yet know about living arrangements and such. But the future for us starts Monday meeting the insurance adjuster who will determine and assess if it's a total loss (which is what ServPro and others have initially said).

What's next? We don't really know. We're taking one day at a time right now. Trying to rebuild our lives.

What now? I need you to know something, from the bottom of my heart, God is Sovereign and He is in control. What I need you to hear and see is that this does not shake my faith. On the contrary. It makes me all the more realize that our lives - this life - is temporary and our reward and our HOME is in eternity.

2 Corinthians 1
1 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

You are comforting us in our troubles, sharing in our distress, and so I pray you, too, are comforted in our comfort. I pray what you see is for your salvation. If that is not understood, then we lost our house in vain.

Some people wonder "why." Please know, I've never wondered why. This entire time, praise choruses and verses have been running through my mind. I'm so thankful for the godly upbringing that is now all coming to mind and heart. Continue to read 2 Corinthians 1:

9 But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God...10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

Did you hear that?! This happened so that we might not rely on ourselves but on HIM! You have helped us by your prayers! And MANY will give thanks on behalf of the gracious favor we've received in answer to YOUR prayers! PRAISE HIM!!!

I've never really been good at accepting favors or handouts. Even now I am conscientious of wanting to respond to every text, phone call, facebook message, email...wanting to make sure everyone is taken care of. That's what I do. I take care of things - and others. So having people hand us things and take care of us is a new experience, but we know that your generosity and your outpouring is the way you are serving Him. Your prayers are exactly what we need and exactly what He intended for the body to come together. To see this in action and to see that work is humbling and a blessing all wrapped into one.

Many more thoughts and feelings to come. For now, I say thanks. We covet your continued prayers.

Happy Easter!

2011-04-24T14:28:00.005-04:00

My Boy

2011-04-18T21:36:00.002-04:00

I have a boy. Full blown, thorough-bred, all B-O-Y, boy. He likes trucks and cars and trains...and dirt and worms and bugs. He CRIES - I mean literally throws himself on the ground in fits - to go outside. It could be pouring down rain and he's asking "Pleeeeeaaassseeee, can I go outside???" If he can throw it, kick it, or make a mess in it, he's guaranteed to be smack dab in the middle of it. He wants to play in the dirt, throw the dirt, eat the dirt...and the dirtier the better.

For this girly girl former pageant queen turned mother of a son, this is a whole new ball game. My dad played the piano, not baseball. He took us girls shopping, not to the ball park. I have not an ounce of athleticism (unless you count the coordination of being a cheerleader). I have no idea how to play anything. At all. I was the last kid picked in gym class. Seriously, I still have a complex about it.

Regardless, I'm having to learn that coming home covered in dirt from head to toe is normal. I'm learning to let it go when a cute outfit is ruined by the infamous Virginia red mud. (Consignment shops and hand-me-downs are becoming my best friend as I search for "play clothes" that can get ruined.) I'm realizing that the endless supply of bruises and scrapes covering his little marred body are typical - and surprisingly mild compared to all the stunts he pulls. I'm having to react with 'joy' when he brings me a creepy crawly worm he dug out of the mud. Or somehow find the 'funny-ness' in the bodily noises and functions he thinks are hysterical. (The kid isn't 3 - is this seriously inbred in all males?!)

Boy, oh boy...my boy. My son. I can honestly say I love every speck of dirt. Every squirmy worm. Every truck and train. Every day outside. Every minute of being the mom to a boy. Of having a son. My boy.

Conversations with a nearly 3-year-old

2011-04-17T22:36:00.001-04:00

E: "Look mommy! A bug!"
ME: "Yeah, E, a ladybug."
E: "Mommy, what haaaaaappened?"
ME: "Well, E, you squashed him. He died."
E: "Mommy, fix him."
...ME: "I can't, E, he died."
E: "Mommy, ladybug in heaven with Jesus?"
um....

Me: E, why do we have Easter?
E: Jesus
Me: What happened on the cross?
E: Jesus died on the cross
Me: And where did they place Him?
...E: The tomb
Me: And what happened after 3 days?
E: He went to Ninevah
Oh no...bible stories gone wrong!

Spring has Sprung!

2011-04-15T08:32:00.003-04:00

Spring has sprung and we're outside as much as we can possibly be! By the end of the day, he's covered from head to toe in the wonderful Virginia red dirt (that doesn't come out) and I'm having to learn very quickly that being a girly girl doesn't work when you have an "all-boy." Yes, I'm digging out dirt from underneath my manicured nails. I'm finding grubby clothes I don't mind getting dusty hand and footprints all over. A pony tail has become my new hair style of choice in the evening outside (BUT NO, I'm NOT wearing mom-jeans!).

He's enjoying the "Mister" Bunny and "Mister" Eggs with an egg hunt at preschool this week. (Again, too cute to correct him and tell him it's Easter and not Mister.) He also has requested his hair to be "spikey" so a new haircut was in order to assist with his chosen style. (This reassures me that I still have a small influence on my boy!)

Always entertaining, take a peek inside our world:

E: "Look mommy! A bug!"
ME: "Yeah, E, a ladybug."
E: "Mommy, what haaaaaappened?"
ME: "Well, E, you squashed him. He died."
E: "Mommy, fix him."
...ME: "I can't, E, he died."
E: "Mommy, ladybug in heaven with Jesus?"
um....

Mister Bunny

2011-04-05T22:38:00.003-04:00

Back by popular demand...the train in the mall! Yay for the Easter Bunny and the train...or as E calls him, "Mister" Bunny. He has "Mister" Eggs and and a "Mister" Basket. It's too cute to try and correct him.

He's back and forth with his moods and choices, growing more and more opinions by the second. He still likes to have everything matching, carrying two of a kind every where he goes. He's huge into the cars from the movie Cars and lightning McQueen, Sheriff, Fender and Mater are some of his favorites.

He requests his hair to be "spikey" now after mommy had a little fun with some hair gel. Easter pictures to come soon!

Baby Autumn

2011-03-26T21:41:00.005-04:00

March 23, 2011 is a day I'll not forget. We've been waiting the call, knowing the due date was the 24th, praying for God's perfect timing (but secretly hoping that was sooner rather than later).

We got the call that morning - Lindsay was in labor. She had already gone to the hospital at 1 a.m. and was sent home because she wasn't progressing. She headed back again at 9:30 a.m. We got to see her and she was already at 9 cm before getting an epidural. By 1 p.m. she was ready to push ... but not allowed to because she had a fever of 103. Antibiotics were ordered and the news that the baby would have to go to neonatal to also be treated in case of infection seemed almost devastating. But we knew God was in control of everything and this little life was held in His hands all the days of her life, before one of them came to be.

And then it was time. Time to push. It was somewhere between 3 and 3:30. And my brother-in-law and sister gave me the highest honor and blessing of being in the delivery room with her. I wanted to make sure they were sure. Joey counted. I coached. She pushed. And for an hour and a half, with contractions every 2.5 minutes, we stood by her side awaiting the arrival of Baby Autumn.

At 5:03 p.m. she entered the world, with dark hair and a healthy cry. She weighed in at 7lbs 8oz and 20" long and she couldn't be more perfect.

For 27 years I've been the big sister. She tagged along with me and my friends. I had to be the example as the older sister. We've been the complete opposites in personality and yet, somehow we've managed to be friends too. But I can honestly say that on Wednesday, March 23, my niece was born and it was a happy day, but my little sister became my hero. She gave me a gift that I can never repay her for. To experience the miracle of my niece's birth and to be able to be by her side to encourage and coach her in that process...all I can say is I'm humbled and blessed.

Welcome to the world, Autumn Nicole. You are loved, prayed for, and will certainly be a blessing to this family!

Target...AGAIN

2011-03-26T21:28:00.002-04:00

Maybe it's the popcorn. Maybe it's the $1 bins. Maybe it's the PetSmart next door. Whatever it is, he's made up his mind.

Target vs. Walmart

2011-03-20T22:09:00.002-04:00

Spring is finally here! We had a GREAT week with Liberty enjoying spring break and lots of warm weather - nearly 80 on Friday. He wanted to be outside ALL DAY Saturday..and woke up from his nap Sunday asking to go outside, despite the rain. We had friends over and went on play dates and E had lots of quality time with some playmates his size.

He's become obsessed with Thomas (thank Grammy for getting him started) and there's a full-blown train track in the middle of the floor with the accompanying Thomas & Friends engines.

Most recently he discovered toy Lightning McQueen & Mater (from the movie CARS) and those have been his item of choice. Needless to say, whether trains or automobiles (no, we haven't gotten into planes yet), he is ALL BOY.

His preference for Target in the video is purely because Target coincidentally is beside PetSmart. He also asks EVERY TIME we go to Walmart if he can get a prize.

He's picking up on a deep southern accent, asking "what haaaaapppened?" for everything. (Remember, his 2-year-old "Why?" phase has been in the form of "what happened?") Even today, I dropped something and he heard me say "oh no" and he ran all the way from the other room to ask, "What haaaaappppened, mommy?"

He's just too adorable.

In other news, we're anxiously awaiting the arrival of Baby Autumn's. Aunt Lindsay is due March 24 - or Thursday - but she's already progressing and we're hoping and praying for her to come soon!!!

2011-03-14T22:22:00.001-04:00

Serenading Nana's puppy, "Izziebelle"

2011-03-09T06:17:00.001-05:00

What's Your Name?!

2011-02-21T21:20:00.002-05:00

This week has been full of emotions. February 7th was Ed's birthday. February 13th my grandfather passed away. Then a whirlwind trip to Ohio for the funeral and seeing family I haven't seen in a decade. February 19th was my birthday. The advent calendar started on February 1st with the countdown and a surprise every day leading up to the 19th. I have to give credit to a few in the office who pulled off lots of surprises and tons of goodies. It was a fun day - well, month.

Being with family and remembering my grandpa's 88 years of life was an emotional time, but it was a sweet time remembering the soul winner that he was. Every where we went, he would ask one question: "If you died today do you know if you'd be heaven?" He wrote his own Gospel tract that he would give out to everyone he came in contact with. He's now rejoicing with His Savior and his wife who went before him 15 years ago. He was ready and he lived a life that glorified the Lord until he breathed his last.

2011-02-12T21:19:00.003-05:00

I swear he gets more and more verbal each day. He never ceases to keep us entertained - and laughing!

I'd always heard that toddlers ask "why" all the time. Not E. The two things he asks/says constantly (shall I say incessantly?!) are "What happened?" and "What doing?" It doesn't matter if we're driving down the road, fixing dinner, changing his diaper, picking his nose... (ok, just thought I'd throw that in!) ... He asks "What happened, mommy?" or "What doing, mommy?" Sometimes I'll tell him, "nothing happened, E." But he needs the full explanation of what happened or what I'm in the middle of.

I'm looking for a title/name for this contribution that has become a weekly report of the funny things he says. For now, let's say it's the "Stuff E Says" portion of the blog:

We've now learned the difference between boys and girls. And I asked him if he was a boy and he said, "Mommy, I'm not a boy. I'm E!"

You saw his last video declaring he's adopted...well now when you ask him who's belly he was in, he proudly says "Sara's!"

When I asked him who was in Aunt Lindsay's belly, instead of naming his baby cousin Autumn (My sister is due in 5 weeks with a baby girl!), he declared, "Baby Daddy!" Um. Well. The birds and the bees speech is a long, long way away. (I hope!)

I'm adopted

2011-02-04T20:57:00.001-05:00

Kicking off February...

2011-02-01T08:56:00.003-05:00

We're well on our way into 2011 and Little Man is so full of life and changing and developing everyday! He loves stickers and puts them everywhere! The other day I went to wash my throw and found 3 of them stuck to the blanket. He's still infatuated with cars, trucks and trains and Papa was the hero of the week when he brought home one of each of the monster trucks from the Happy Meal toys (just one of the perks of having your Papa manage McDonald's)! Gone are the days of baby talk, and full blown sentences are here to stay. His vocabulary grows daily and he's learning new words all the time.

Some recent favorite statements:

"I push mommy's buttons." (It had been a rather trying day)

"I a turd factory." (His father taught him that)

ME: "E, do you have a happy heart?" E: "I happy heart right there in E's body."

ME: "E, mommy can't get you out of your carseat. Let's pray and ask Jesus to help us."
E: "Help us Jesus!"
ME: "Yay! We got the carseat unstuck. Let's thank Jesus for helping us!"
E: "Thank you Jesus!"

ME: "E, what did you learn at Sunday School?"
E: "JESUS!"
ME: "Do you love Jesus?"
E: "Love Jesus! He E's friend!"

In other news, the month of February officially kicks off my month-long birthday celebration. I came to work on February 1st to find my very own birthday advent calendar from a co-worker. My office was already decorated with streamers, a birthday crown and a glittery "C" on my computer. Watch out world... :)

Snow...FINALLY!

2011-01-27T10:36:00.000-05:00

The last several storms have somehow managed to skip right over Central Virginia...but yesterday finally brought us a little bit. Enough for E to enjoy romping around (sporting mommy's gloves, no less) and enough to give us a 2 hour delay.

A Lively Little Boy

2011-01-24T23:07:00.000-05:00

Favorite "E" sayings for the week include:

"E happy!" (Said with his favorite morning routine: sausage and eggs and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.)

"E happy heart right here in his body." (As he points to his chest!)

"Don't pick E's boogies, mommy!" (I was just trying to help the kid breathe!)

(Upon passing gas he points to his diaper) "I poop in here."

What can I say?! He keeps us entertained.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

2011-01-03T22:19:00.002-05:00

I should have been keeping a running journal of all the things E says that make us laugh. Here are just a few from this past week:

(E yelling from the other room while in timeout)..."Sorry mommy. MOMMY. SORRY. Come on, mommy. E IS SORRY!"

His new favorite phrase when he wants something: "Give it back real fast." (Complete with a full swing of the arm toward the object of his affection. This is PROMPTLY replaced with coaching "What do you say?" to which is responds "PLEASE!")

"Mommy, what is that?" (E points to a blemish on my face.) "That's mommy's zit." "Oh, I will fix it," (He says as he kisses my imperfection.)

E was told he couldn't take any of his Christmas presents to Nana's because Santa came to her house too. Arrives at Nana's and goes straight to the Family Room door and pounds on it, saying, "Santa, WHERE ARE YOU? I want presents!"

A Toy Story Christmas

2010-12-31T09:19:00.003-05:00

Elijah Riley is living in Andy's Toy Story world now. He got Buzz & Woody stuff animals, Buzz & Woody the real action figures (not to be confused with "dolls"), TWO Potato Heads - complete with the Toy Story interchangeable parts, a Toy Story suitcase and everything else necessary to complete his Toy Story play-world. His toddler-size 4-wheeler even has a Buzz theme. The only thing that didn't come in Toy Story fashion was his Bounce House - yes, he has a full size bounce house now planted in his playroom - but he's not complaining because it's a HIT! He loves to play in the bounce house.

He made Christmas so fun this year, staring in wonderment at all the Christmas lights and ornaments (mostly removing all the ornaments from the tree). Without even having to "teach" him he walked by Santa in the mall and shouted "Hi Santa, I want Buzz & Woody." He loved watching Rudolph and Frosty and singing Christmas carols like Jingle Bells, Santa Clause is Coming to Town, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and We Wish You a Merry Christmas. Seeing Christmas through his eyes was certainly fun...but we were quick to read his Christmas books every night and he also knew that we were celebrating something else besides presents. "Happy Birthday, Jesus!" He would say.

Santa's Coming!

2010-12-24T22:56:00.002-05:00

Merry Christmas

2010-12-15T22:42:00.001-05:00

May It Be...

2010-12-14T07:10:00.001-05:00

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said." Luke 2:38

Mary's response to the angel is a reminder to me that our response to God could alter our role in His plan.

I've always heard the call to action to "see what God is doing and join with Him." Meaning, God's plan and purpose will be accomplished no matter what - and whether or not I'm a part depends on my response.

We see Isaiah ready and willing when the call came asking who would go and his response was, "Here am I, send me." (Isaiah 6:8)

In Luke 2 Mary had been chosen. She was specifically picked for this mission. And yet when the angel came to her, he didn't say she was ALREADY with child - he said she WOULD BE with child. If she had responded differently than "May it be..." I suppose there would be a different story to tell. But then again, I guess her response is exactly why she was the girl for the job. She had already found favor with the Lord. And yet in that moment she could have chosen her plan over God's.

Of course, it's a reminder we're given free will. We have the "right" to choose. But when we surrender our right to ourselves, laying down the flesh and taking on the spiritual, we not only get to join in with God's purpose, we can be invited. When God comes to us with His plan, we can be ready to respond, "May it be..."

Pretty as a ... PRESENT!

2010-12-03T22:14:00.001-05:00

There may have been some bribing involved in this mini photo shoot. Sip of coke...smile and picture...sip of coke...and you get the idea! He enjoyed hamming it up!

Trimming the Tree

2010-11-24T21:55:00.005-05:00

He's been begging for it...and it's finally here! The Christmas Tree! And he's even got his own in his room. The trimming of the tree went something like this: I pull out two ornaments and perfectly place them (I take such care and pride in doing this) and he pulls one off. "Ornament, mommy. I got it." Yes, you do got it...but it goes back on the tree, son. There are ornaments all over the house. There are some on the tree, too! It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Giving Thanks

2010-11-22T11:26:00.001-05:00

Amidst a busy weekend before the upcoming holiday of feasting, I was in search for Thanksgiving-themed plates and napkins for Elijah's preschool party. Our culture has so commercialized Halloween and Christmas there seems to have been a very important piece of celebrating noticeably missing. I found one set of napkins with turkeys and some sortof matching plates that had fall-colored leaves. Hmm. What I really wanted for this group of preschoolers was something that demonstrated the meaning of Thanksgiving. But how do you portray the act of giving thanks? Even more, how do you explain this to a 2 year old? (I suppose I will run into a similar problem come Christmas when my choices center around snowmen and "happy holidays" messages. If you find some nativity-inspired decor, please let me know!)

I had to settle with the turkey napkins and solid plates. But I don't have to settle for a missed opportunity to spread thanksgiving.

My concordance gives 4 verses with the word "thanksgiving" - 1 for each day this week to our countdown to Thanksgiving Day.

Today I choose Psalm 95:2: "Let us come before Him with Thanksgiving and extol Him with music and song."

Strong's defines the Hebrew for Thanksgiving as:

confession, praise, thanksgiving

1a) give praise to God

1b) thanksgiving in songs of liturgical worship, hymn of praise

1c) thanksgiving choir or procession or line or company

1d) thank-offering, sacrifice of thanksgiving

1e) confession

Of course I love that a few of these include praise and thanks through songs and worship, just as stated in the scripture. I can't ignore the offering either. A "sacrifice of thanksgiving." The reminder that "in all things" I am to give thanks. So despite my circumstance and no matter what the situation, it may be sacrificial but I can still give thanks.

And the last definition - confession. We normally think of an act of confession about something we've done wrong, but what about the art of confessing His goodness, professing our thankfulness so that others may see and hear? So that our offering, our sacrificial thankfulness, the confession of His goodness can be shared?

The choir. Procession. Company. Did you catch that? Not just a private act of thankfulness but sharing. More than being thankful, coming before Him, corporately offering our act of giving thanks.

So I share this with you today. I'm thankful and I'm giving Him thanks. No matter what season of life you're in, I pray you'll join with me as we celebrate this season of Thanksgiving.

Christmas is coming!

2010-11-21T21:41:00.005-05:00

Yes, I know. Thanksgiving comes first. We're talking all about the things we're thankful for. Elijah is thankful for "Nana and Papa and Pap and Gram and Ayden and Grammy and Insey and Joe and Baby Autumn and Matt..." He's thankful for his family and his house and preschool and Bubba. And in his 2 year old understanding that's all okay by me. And Just as we process thanksgiving we also usher in the Christmas season. A mini photo shoot captured a few of his precious smiles - in action of course. And his obsession with Snowmen continues (as does his mother's) and he had fun making Christmas door hangers with Nana.

He's in awe of the Christmas lights that now adorn each window, the door and the front yard. He runs down to the Snowman in the yard to talk to him. His very own Christmas tree is coming with non-breakable ornaments. And one of his favorite things to run around saying is "Candy Cane." The excitement of Christmas being lived out through the eyes of this precious child brings out the joy of what it truly should be.

Making His List...Checking It Twice...

2010-11-15T21:42:00.003-05:00

He hasn't quite figured out that he has to choose the nice over naughty...but he's working on it. He was done with dinner. The toy catalog was just laying in a stack of mail. He reached over and grabbed it and intently examined it. Page by page. Studying each item.

At two and a half he's fully embracing his mother's love of all-things-Christmas! Walking through Walmart he exclaimed, "CHRISTMAS TREE!" Yes, son, it is. "Mama, I want a Christmas tree!" WHAT?! OH BOY! He came home tonight after his sitter had Christmas decor up and again asked for his Christmas tree.

You betcha I'm going to use the innocence of my sweet little child as an excuse to put up the tree early. Last year it went up before Thanksgiving which caused quite a stir...but this year, this weekend, it may be time! Come on, the kid is asking for it - BEGGING FOR IT! Oh Christmas Tree...Oh Christmas Tree...I want to decorate your branches! :)

Let's Go to the Zoo!

2010-11-13T21:43:00.005-05:00

It was a beautiful Saturday. The weather was warm and sunny. And the trip was spontaneous. The windy, curvy mountainous drive brought forth beautiful fall colors and sparkling rivers. (It also brought forth a wave of car sickness for me, but I'm sure it was all worth it...)

The Natural Bridge Zoo is an open-air walking experience where most of the animals can be pet and fed. Elijah enjoyed feeding the camels and goats and deer. The highlight for him was, of course, his favorite "Gigi" (giraffes).

Oh the fun

2010-10-28T21:48:00.002-04:00

We shared a pudding cup the other day. Who doesn't love a chocolate pudding cup?! One spoon and E planted on Mommy's lap - we were enjoying our snack - and valuable lesson in sharing. I would say "Mommy's turn" and E would scoop out a bite and watch me eat it. And then he'd respond "E's turn" and get a spoonful. As we were nearing the bottom of the cup he took two bites in row, teasing me as I kept trying to take my rightful turn. I said to him, "E, that was mommy's bite!" And as precious as he could he responded, "Oh sorry mama." As if he needed to do anything else to melt my heart, he captured it all over again. Despite the on-onslaught of "terrible 2's" he is such a sweet boy.

It was time for a Harvest Party at Preschool! E contributed pumpkin plates and napkins for all of his classmates...this was right before he ran away taking other people's costumes. Of course he wouldn't wear anything but his Buzz Lightyear pants...but he opted for his classmate's Larry Boy Hat, another student's Power Rangers mask and still a little princess' scepter. Yes, a princess scepter. (No, I did NOT influence this.)

Call it my own obsession with dental hygiene but one of Elijah's favorite past-times happens to be brushing his teeth. He has yet his own obsession with having two of everything - one in each hand. So in true form, he must have a toothbrush in each hand.

Fall Fun with "Football Game"

2010-10-18T09:30:00.005-04:00

The new stadium is done and last Saturday was a perfectly warm October day for a football game. Elijah enjoyed the space to run, stairs to climb, and, well, didn't care too much about football at all. Other than the fact that he could yell "Football game!"

Cheesin' - or maybe it's the sugar high from the sucker.

Getting ready for trick-or-treating - two pumpkins - 1 for him and 1 for mom! (Chocolate please!) And what could be sillier than wearing Daddy's glasses.

Well, maybe the only thing sillier is wearing a "diaper hat"...yes, he made that up with some help from his creative Nana.

It's October?!

2010-10-07T10:03:00.007-04:00

Where has the time gone?! We were just wearing shorts and tanks and now we're full-fledged into fall and chilly mornings...but with that comes lots of fun things. Elijah loves the decorated yard of Scarecrows, Pumpkins, Cornstalks and Hay. He also LOVED, LOVED, LOVED the "Punkin Patch" and he talks about it all the time. We may have to go back ... He had fun on the bouncey attractions, running through the pumpkin maze, climbing on the piles of pumpkins and, of course, putting his creativity to work by painting a pumpkin!

He also had his first plane ride after taking a trip to Tennessee to see Poppy before his open heart surgery. He was great on the drive down and thankfully Aunt Lindsay was around to help with the 3-hour layover in the Charlotte Airport...otherwise, one or both of us may have lost our minds! He did great once on the planes (he even konked out on the plane back to Lynchburg before we were even fully in the air!) - but having such wide open spaces like airport terminals to "run free"...let's just say it made for lots of games of chase!

All dressed up for picture day at preschool

In-flight entertainment includes "Fishy Crackers."

Poppy & his great grandson

Making Homemade pizzas - the real Italian way!

Happy First Day of Fall!

2010-09-22T09:29:00.004-04:00

I'm the one in the Spelling Bee who would have asked, "May I have the definition please?" It's usually not enough for someone to just tell me - I need you to show me. I want to understand. Let me grasp it. I will let it marinate as I process.

It is the first day of Autumn (Happy Fall, by the way) and I love the change of seasons. Sure, I'm indulging in Pumpkin Spice Lattes and all-things-pumpkin. My drive to work down the mountain has become increasingly enjoyable as the fall sunrise shines brilliantly on the leaves that are starting to change color. And I'm reminded; it's a new season.

As you may be able to tell, I fully embrace any opportunity to celebrate - mainly because I love to share joy. So the thought of costumes for Fall Fun Fests is followed by the quickly approaching Holiday season filled with turkey and all the trimming and the celebration of my Savior's Birth. (I cannot WAIT to have a Birthday cake for Jesus with Elijah this year!)

I guess part of the reason why I love the changing seasons is because it is our Creator's reminder that all things are temporary. When my adolescent years were a challenge I claimed 2 Cor. 4:18: "So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." I had to remind myself - it's temporary.

It may come as no surprise that even today, the beginning of Fall, I'm inclined to celebrate. Not only that, I needed to dig deeper.

As a noun, "season" can be defined as a period of time.

As a verb, it is described as becoming seasonsed, or in other words, maturing.

When something is "in season" it is understood as being in its prime, or in a state of use.

I don't know what season you may be going through. Maybe celebrating a new beginning. Maybe just as happy to see the end of something else. Maybe stuck wondering when this season will pass. Maybe desperately thinking it's not temporary.

What I'm reminded of with these definitions is that whatever season we may be going through, it is not just a period of time we must endure or enjoy, but a process we go through to become seasoned - to mature - so that we may reach our prime.

Consider the season you're going through God's way of seasoning you so that you may become in season.

"For everything there is a seaon..." The rest of that verse says "and a time for every purpose under heaven." The Hebrew for "purpose" is defined as "that in which one takes delight." Delight, dear one. Even in this time that may seem as bleak as the coldest, darkest day of winter. Rejoice because just as the leaves are changing, so are you being transofmred, seasoned, matured. Maybe without even realizing it, He is preparing you for His purpose.

Enjoy a Pumpkin Spice Latte for me on this first day of Fall and be reminded of God's purpose to prepare you for whatever season He may be bringing you to or through.

Bye bye Jibberish

2010-09-19T21:11:00.005-04:00

I always say I want to keep a journal of the things Elijah says and does because I know when he's grown I won't remember. He keeps us thoroughly entertained. He's talking in full sentences now - leaving the baby talk behind.

He wants "dippy dip" (any kind of dipping sauce) with everything - and I mean EVERYTHING he eats. He calls hot dogs "diggity dogs" from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. He still calls cars "choo choos" although he's starting to differentiate "trucks."

He can throw a full-on temper tantrum with the best of them, proving wholeheartedly he's every bit of 28 months and all boy. If you say "Come here" he takes off running in the other direction saying "run, run, run" - turning everything into a game of chase and "tickle."

He eats apples whole and asks for them several times a day. No peeling or slicing - just give him the whole thing and he'll tear into it at least halfway.

He sings the last word of every phrase in his favorite songs, which currently are "You Are My Sunshine," "Joshua Fought the Battle of Jericho," and "My God is So Big."

I love watching the world through his eyes. It's hard to be unhappy or worried about the "world" around you when he brings so much joy.

Enjoying his new car table (gotta love consignment shops)! He also loves to squeeze into all kinds of tight places.

The whole neighborhood came out to play in the sandbox. And for the first time ever he kept a hat on while enjoying the playground at church.

Spaghetti dinner at Nana's - not sure how much made it INTO his belly but enough sure made it ON - who needs a plate?!

Enjoying a 90 degree day in September with, of course, an apple.

Trying something new - Learning to play with (not eat) Playdoh!

All Things Autumn

2010-09-14T21:36:00.004-04:00

The air is getting cooler and the mornings have a crisp fall glow. Soon the magnificent sun will shine upon colorful leaves. I love the changing seasons. Of course my favorite thing to usher in the autumn is indulging in Pumpkin Spice Lattes.

For Elijah, this Fall day meant a fun outing with Nana and Papa that found them all at the apple orchard. The child already loves apples but to find them all over the ground and hanging on every tree branch just sent him over the edge.

He quickly learned which ones had spots and weren't good enough for picking or eating. He had devoured at least one full apple before leaving and enjoyed a some bites out of a few others! Yet another apple in the car and then he stole Nana's.

The trip was made complete with the selection of two perfect pumpkins.

A delightfully memorable and fun Fall day!

First Day of Preschool!

2010-09-09T21:21:00.003-04:00

Such a big boy! On Wednesday, September 8, Elijah had his first day of preschool. He was dressed in his new Nike Shox, plaid collared shirt and blue shorts. He had his brand new cinch bag with his named embroidered and his Buzz lunchbox and matching thermos. He was ready to go!

He will go two mornings a week. He's in a class of 11 kids with two teachers. They do craft time, story time, music time, bible lesson, learning stations, and playtime. His teacher reported he did great and at the end of the day he waved "Bye Preschool...See ya!"

Upon asking about his first day, this is how the conversation went:

Me: "E, what did you learn at preschool?"

E: "JESUS!"

Me: "Yeah?! Did you have fun?"

E: "PLAY!"

2010-09-05T14:14:00.002-04:00

The kickoff of the new school year - and Elijah was running in style at the annual Block Party. Liberty class of 2030...here he comes!

In true form, he's getting ready for school...My little MacBook "Pro"...He starts preschool on Wednesday, 9/8. Oh boy...

Double the fun with double icecream cones at Nana's house. Yes, he's spoiled. Yes, he's rotten.

Not to be confused with the school of rock, he IS in fact a rock 'n roller.

"Baby Cousin..."

2010-08-21T21:39:00.001-04:00

The Jersey Shore

2010-07-31T22:22:00.003-04:00

No, not the show (although I did walk past an episode being filmed, Snooki and all - mind you, I had no idea who she was until this encounter).

But a week at the Jersey Shore, a little bit of sun, a lot of sand and one happy little boy...

This is just a preview of the week. He got to have cookies for breakfast from Park Bakery. He had a wonderful blue sucker from Nana that he got all over. He bummed food off Papa. Rode the rides at the Boardwalk. LOVED going on bike rides. Hated the ocean (and I do mean SCREAMED) but LOVED the sand. Throwing it, playing in it, shoveling it, eating it... Ahh sand.

He had a little playmate, my sister and brother-in-law's nephew, Jimmy. He's 2 1/2. A big difference 6 months makes, but the two were best buds. He learned a lot from Jimmy. They were so cute together.

You Are My Sunshine

2010-07-31T22:03:00.002-04:00

Back from the beach! He played with his new best friend, Jimmy, 2 1/2, and he picked up on tons of new words and all kinds of new songs. This is one of them. Pictures to come!

2010-07-22T23:24:00.003-04:00

E singing and eating apples - sporting his Bob the Builder hat. He loves chowing down on apples.

This one's for Pap - a growing boy with his growing tree.

Ooh Baby Baby

2010-07-11T21:38:00.002-04:00

Wild man that he is, Mommy felt it was time to try a little paste in the hair to create a spike to match his personality!

Papa always comes home from work with a large drink. Elijah knows the Golden Arches on the cup and Papa's shirts means "FRIES"...and he loves to take over Papa's drink.

He's such a ham ... cheesing it up on the way to Aunt "Insey's" and chillin' at her place while she babysits.

Happy Fourth of July!

2010-07-07T08:49:00.002-04:00

A quick trip to VA Beach for the holiday weekend. He hated the ocean but loved the sand - especially throwing it everywhere! It's been nearly 100 degrees this week so running around in just a diaper and hopping in his kiddie pool every chance he gets. He's also infatuated with the ever-budding flower bed...even picking flowers for mommy (ok he never actually gave them to me)!

E just being E

2010-06-28T13:21:00.004-04:00

A day in the life of our two year old...

The hot and humid days of summer require lots of pool time!

Of course, cooling off indoors - and being silly - are a part of his daily routine.

He loves dogs and often gets on his hands and knees and acts like a puppy. Here he's getting kisses from Aunt Lindsay's dog, Lily.

He's a little helper - learning how to pick up toys, share, even help out in the kitchen.

He's always ready to "go" and is a regular ham for the camera!

And at the end of a long, fun-filled, hard-played day...he enjoys lounging around his his "jam jams" with a snack and movie.

2 Year Photo Shoot

2010-06-20T16:25:00.005-04:00

Thanks to the wonderful photography of Brett Hastie for capturing the essence of our two year old - in his element "outside," playing with sticks and rocks, obsessed with magnetic letters, making all kinds of funny faces and just being a two year old boy! (More pictures to come later!)

Mama's Little Helper

2010-06-20T14:21:00.002-04:00

Getting ready for our Father's Day Cookout! E's such a good little helper! Happy Father's Day to my dad, love your number one son (inside joke), to Ed, to Pap from Ed & E, and to Poppy and Grandpa my grandfathers and E's great grandfathers.

Family, Tent & Fun

2010-06-17T21:50:00.005-04:00

Poppy & Uncle TJ came for a visit this week and E had so much fun.

Goofing off at the dinner table.

Being silly with Poppy

Fun in the new tent from Uncle TJ

Celebrating Uncle TJ's birthday. E just wanted to point out all the letters on the birthday banner.

2010-06-14T21:55:00.002-04:00

He shoots, he scores!

2010-06-08T21:30:00.001-04:00

Where Dreams Come True...

2010-06-07T14:47:00.008-04:00

Monday, May 31, was Memorial Day...and what a memorial day it was. Celebrating Elijah's "Gotcha Day" (the day he was adopted). We celebrated in style with some time in Orlando, exploring Animal Kingdom, Epcot and Downtown Disney.

He loved Legoland...and picking up sticks and rocks and leaves or turning anything he could find into a drum.

Being Silly...as usual. He's every bit of a 2 year old boy on whatever kind of adventure he can find.

Not sure if it's his favorite movie, but it sure is mine! :)

Look closely and you'll see Minnie in the background. We weren't standing in the line with an impatient two year old to have your picture taken with the Disney Characters.

Mesmerized by the aquarium.

Epcot.

Pool time!

LOVES animals!

Brain Freeze!

2010-05-28T03:01:00.002-04:00

Brainfreeze! Ice cream treat at McDonald's. Papa spoils him rotten. He knows the golden arches and he knows to associate "Papa" and "Fries" - both words are usually combined in a sentence at all times!

For all of you who want to hold me personally responsible for the lack of pictures appearing on the blog, please understand two things. First, I have a two year old. Second, I have a two year old. That about sums it up. Most of the pictures these days turn out extremely blurry because we're trying to catch him "in action" - and the reality is he's a two year ... he's always on the go. There is no "catching" him. Of course all of that is a game in and of itself. If we say "let's go brush your teeth" he literally runs in the opposite direction. Gone are the days where he went straight to the bathroom to assume the toothbrushing position. Sigh...

There should be plenty of pictures after next week. Mickey Mouse, here we come. I have a conference in Orlando and we'll be celebrating Elijah's "Gotcha Day" (May 31) at the Animal Kingdom.

2010-05-17T22:10:00.001-04:00

My idea for a craft project...only the ink wouldn't come off his "piggies!"

What a ham

2010-05-14T22:24:00.002-04:00

He loves to play the piano and sing...but even more he loves an audience.

I'm so HAPPY!

2010-05-10T20:18:00.001-04:00

E's 2! YAY!!!

2010-05-09T22:55:00.007-04:00

Golf clubs from his birthmom (and a Mickey Mouse shirt - not pictured)

Signing "please" as he anxiously awaits his birthday dinner.

He wants mom's hamburger instead.

Present time! More Letters, Books and a train set.

Spinning Elmo Chair, a Tricycle from Nana and Papa and his beloved car (a.k.a. "choo choo" which is what he calls any vehicle).

Cake Time! Elmo cupcakes. He loved when we all sang to him.

ER

2010-05-09T20:23:00.002-04:00

There will be birthday pictures later, but since I neglected to put up our first trip to the ER and have received official complaints ...here's the story.

A week ago, Sunday, May 2, we made our first trip to the ER when Elijah cut his eye on the corner of the bed. He hit it just right where it was a "gusher" for about 15 minutes. The urgent care place sent us straight to the ER, thinking he'd need stitches. Thankfully, they were able to use Durabond - glorified super glue - to seal it. He was a trooper and loved exploring the hospital "room." His wound is healing nicely. :)

Ice Cream at Papa's McD's

2010-05-08T21:27:00.001-04:00

Birthmother's Day

2010-05-07T14:40:00.004-04:00

I had no idea such a holiday existed until a year ago. And "holiday" certainly isn't appropriate, considering it's never commercialized or noted like other celebratory events. You can walk into any store right now and be reminded with giant signs, pre-packaged gift sets, and overwhelming card aisles that Mother's Day is quickly approaching.

But there's no sign advertising this holiday. There's no pre-packaged gift to appropriately honor her. I dare say you'd be hard-pressed to even find a single greeting card honoring Birthmother's Day. In case you're not aware, it's always the Saturday before Mother's Day. I'm mindful of the fact that our adopted son's first birthday was celebrated on Birthmother's Day, celebrating his life, honoring her, beyond grateful for the choice she made to give life and love, choosing us to be his adoptive parents.

I couldn't find a card or gift that seemed appropriate to honor such a day, such a woman, so I made my own. It still seemed insignificant. Certainly there could never be a gift comparable to what she gave.

We're in the mediated stage of our relationship with Elijah's birthmother, sending letters and pictures, giving updates on his growth and development and his emerging personality. Every time I write to her and share stories of his newest antics, I can't help but wonder how she feels. I can't help but ask if she sees herself in him. With only a few short meetings before placement, we've relied on letters since then to get to know her better. I think about how much he innately takes after her and how much he learns from us. Nature versus nurture is a funny argument. I'm inclined to believe our adopted son shares the beauty of both. An adoptive family who loves, embraces and nurtures his inherent makeup.

This year he will turn two on Mother's Day. It's the day I'll be recognized as his mother. I'm sure there will be cards and gifts. I'll stand in church and be recognized. Oh how I remember the painful Mother's Days when I couldn't stand because I remained childless.

I didn't carry him. I didn't feel him kick. I didn't hear his heartbeat in sync with my own. I didn't labor through delivery, or worse torment over the decision to place. Your blood runs through his veins and his life is knit together with my heart; we are interwoven by the son we share.

2!!!

2010-05-05T21:57:00.001-04:00